Everyone has a favorite holiday, Thanksgiving had always been mine. I loved that it was a day to just enjoy the company of loved ones, counting our many blessings and eating delicious food then letting it all digest while scouring the Black Friday circulars. The birth and loss of Larissa changed that for me. I’ll always remember our first Thanksgiving after delivering her. I got dressed in my maternity pants, angry that my body had failed me and had to celebrate my favorite holiday with no baby to show. I sat in the rocker in what would have been her nursery and sobbed prior to heading to my parents until I could sob no more.
I’ve come a long way since that first Thanksgiving almost nine years ago. In that moment was there anything I was thankful for? Possibly, but I couldn’t see it then. Looking back, I’m thankful for the 40 blessed weeks I had with Larissa. I’m thankful for my husband for staying stronger than I was (at least while around me) to keep me going and face every day. I’m thankful to my Mom whom in her own grief of losing a grandchild, patiently waited for her own daughter, whom she was slowly losing as well, to come back around. And I’m thankful for the daily calls and weekly outings my best friend took me on, knowing all too well the cycle of grief and the need to keep going despite how hard it is. I suppose the saying ‘there’s always something to be thankful for’ is true even during our darkest days. I’m living proof.
This year, I’ve decided to start an annual tradition of gratitude leaves. I found these cute leave cut outs with twine on Amazon that you can easily write words of gratitude. I think it’s a great lesson for the kids and the leaves even have holes that you can weave with twine or ribbon and hang it as garland, decorate a tree, use as filler around a flameless candle or lay around a tablescape. I also like the idea of attaching the gratitude leaves to a card or gift for someone with a reason why you’re grateful for them.
I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my loss of Larissa and my blessings and journey that led me to where I’m at today. Life is hard, no doubt, but it’s important to remember the good that often comes from the bad. I’ll forever be grateful to Larissa and the first pregnancy joy, a joy that I was robbed of in subsequent pregnancies and I’m forever grateful that i was blessed again times two to fill my empty arms and achy heart with a joy like no other. #blessings #pregnacyloss #thanksgiving