As much as I love October, I equally dislike November. Our beautiful pumpkins become rotten lumps and the colorful fall foliage now layers the ground, exposing the barren trees that will become the backdrop of nature for the next several upcoming months. In addition, I’m pretty much convinced the Santa elves of retail work straight through Halloween to transform stores into a Christmas wonderland literally overnight.
I’m always slightly more uneasy these first few weeks of November. It’s hard to deny and forget the sequence of days leading up to Larissa’s birth and funeral. Additionally, these first few weeks of November have been generous to my family with multiple traumas occurring through the years at this exact same time. They say you can’t be struck by lightening twice, but sadly, it sure felt like we had.
The reality is though that life will always throw you lemons. Bad things happen all the time and they happen to good people. It took me a long time to stop feeling like a victim after losing Larissa. After all, life is a risk and having kids is a risk. We take risks every day. Chances are things will turn out okay, but sometimes they do not go as planned. Our vision of starting a family back in 2010 certainly didn’t turn out as we had anticipated, but sometimes life has different plans.
This morning, as I was busy preparing orders for Sprinkled with Joy, Austin excitedly came down the stairs, as I greeted him singing Happy Birthday. There’s not a doubt in my mind that Austin arrived on this day to turn those lemons into lemonade. It’s always a bittersweet day, but eleven years post, there is less bitter and more sweet. A place in life, I never envisioned I’d be again.
I sit here on the morning of Austin’s birthday, coincidentally, the exact day, just three years prior, when the nurse, Mike and I looked at the monitor with no pulsing heart. In that instance, our lives changed. The days, weeks, and months that followed I was a shell of my former self. I’ve come a long way since 2010. Our house is now full of noise, chaos and love. All the things I had envisioned back then.
So, as November passes by and stores become increasingly more crowded, testing our last ounce of patience, we can all do better by being more gentle and considerate. Eleven years ago, I aimlessly wandered stores, going thru the motions as people quickly passed me by. Tragedy knows no timeline and life will continue on. The holidays can be tough, especially when grieving, so remember to spread some joy and be kind. And as always, celebrate not only on birthdays, but try to find something good to celebrate each and every day.
