It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that my baby, all 4feet 2inches of him, is turning 6! I remember the day I delivered him. I had been scheduled for a C-section just the day prior, as we opted for an amniocentesis to check lung maturity and deliver early if able. I received the call on November 13th, while at work, my hands trembling as I answered the phone, knowing I’d be told whether or not we can deliver. The nurse cheerfully told me the baby’s lungs are mature and I was scheduled for a C-section the next morning…November 14th…the day that forever changed us with the news of losing Larissa. A day, that from that year, 2013, went from the worst day of our lives to also one of the best.
I called my husband and relayed the news, still in a state of disbelief. And knowing, just maternal instinct, that this baby was not another girl and we needed a name and fast. My co-workers suggested various names, as did my husband’s, as we texted back and forth negating each other’s suggestions. Then I suggested Austin, my husband agreed, and from that day on it was his chosen name.
The next morning when prepped for surgery and wheeled into the operating room, I felt such a sense of calm. My pregnancy with Austin was anything but calm, filled with complications, many sleepless nights and moments of irrational fear and tears, but that morning was different. It was like Larissa was there, assuring me this day will forever be changed going forward. It had been three years of mourning our loss, and focusing on the end goal of completing our family. It was time to welcome this new baby and celebrate both Larissa and Austin on November 14th for what we have lost, but also what we have gained. Time to accept our loss and be open to the signs Larissa sends us, letting us know she’s very much a forever part of our family, but that it’s time to be joyous, rather than sad.
We welcomed a healthy, crying baby early that morning. What a long way we came from the sobs of despair we shed in an otherwise silent delivery room, three years prior at the same place. We went from a place of total despair to a place we never thought imaginable. Never lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. It may not come on your timeline, but with patience and perseverance, it will come.
So, this year we will celebrate our little guy with a magic themed party. I’m busy preparing the invites, decor and planning away. Check back for a future post to see the magic unfold…as the birth of any child is certainly magical and should be celebrated as such.
