Love, Mom ❤️

Mother’s Day, the annual holiday that always makes me feel a mix of emotions. I get filled with such gratitude for my children, my mom and all the beautiful women in my life. That gratitude always gets intermixed with a longing for Larissa, flashbacks of pregnancy traumas and a longing for time to slow down.

When I got pregnant with Ambree, I swore I’d never be that mom that got stressed about the small stuff or lost her sh**. Fast forward ten years later and even as I type those words I chuckle. The reality is that in the fast paced world we live in and keeping track of the ever growing “to do” list, piles of laundry, school lunches, permission slips and nightly sports/extracurriculars it’s really easy to become stressed and overwhelmed. Shout out to any mom that hasn’t lost her sh**. I want what she’s taking.

We all worry (myself included) about all the details of events, making sure parties and gatherings are Pinterest worthy and that our kids are given the very best. We all say it’s the time together and not things that really matter, but societal norms and social media present a much different picture. Recently, when cleaning out Austin’s room, whom has hoarding tendencies to put it nicely, I may or may not have lost my sh**. As I re-organized and cleaned out the containers of toys, tears filled his 8 year old eyes, as I angrily plowed through the mess, questioning items to keep and toss. I realized as the piles were sorted and items that seemed untouched for months or years held much more powerful meaning to him. The items that mattered were sentimental, given to him by people he adores, or linked to a happy family moment.

It was one particular pile that really pulled at my heartstrings. A pile of handwritten lunch notes from myself to Austin. They are crumpled and have smears of sticky kid’s fingers on them, but mean so much to him and Ambree. It was in that moment, I paused from my out of body experience to listen to he and Ambree read those lunch notes aloud, because she too, saved every last note. To me, they are quick little notes as I rush with the morning routine, not written daily, but on days I can take a second to let them know just how much I love them. I always sign these notes with “Love, Mom ❤️.” When my kids read them aloud, they translate that ❤️ as additional love…read aloud as “Love, Mom, Love.” I never realized my quick scribbled heart held so much extra meaning to them. After hearing those words aloud, I never sign a note without that extra emoji.

A mom’s love to their children has no limit. I’ve seen through the years the many sacrifices my mom made for my sisters and me and I still put in my memory box every hand written card from my own mom. After all, when we reflect on years past, it’s always the moments spent together and the unconditional love a mom will always give that truly matters the most. So take that extra second in the morning and write a quick lunch note because in our rushed days, our kids do notice and feel that extra love. ❤️

Hi! My name is Jolon (pronounced Jo-lawn). I'm a mom to two beautiful children here on Earth and one watching from above. I love all things black, white and gold and am happiest when reading, shopping or baking. I started this blog to share our journey to parenthood and the struggles that accompany parenting after loss. More importantly, I hope it becomes a place where I can share some of the things that I enjoy most, and help anyone struggling with grief once again enjoy things that ignite their inner light.