I lay here on the morning of Austin’s 7th birthday, reflecting on the last not just seven but ten years. I vividly recall the day November 13th of 2013, I was at work and received a call from my OB that our baby’s lungs were mature following results of an amniocentesis completed a few days prior, and a C-section was scheduled for the following morning.
When I received that call, my fear was replaced with hope. Every pregnancy complication endured in those 8.5 months was already forgotten as I focused on the delivery of a healthy baby, feeling a sense of calm that it was no coincidence that this baby’s arrival was scheduled for the most devastating day of our lives, just 3 years prior.
That calm feeling remained throughout my delivery and as I anticipated, a healthy baby boy was crying, a squealing cry, as he was lovingly welcomed into this world.
Ambree was our rainbow baby that can truly be compared to a rainbow, spreading such joy after a storm, a forever peacemaker, always concerned about the well being/feelings of others. Austin, he too has that sweet/sensitive side, but he brings with him a wit and humor that I can only imagine was Larissa’s gift to us. She provided us with comfort, kindness and a beautiful sweet baby to cuddle and love after our hearts had so much pent up love to give following her passing. Austin was our challenging child, energetic, and pushed further to know the outcome when told ‘no’, whom as a toddler spent so much time in ‘time out’ we joked he had permanent foot prints in the corner. The two together, created that chaos and messy but beautiful life I felt may never manifest when we said goodbye to Larissa.
It’s these two beautiful gifts from Larissa that made our life complete. A part of my heart will never be healed, but as each year passes, November 14th, the same day we sobbed in a delivery room, changing our lives in an instant, also became the same day our lives changed for the better. Ironic…doubtful. I can only take it as a sign.
So, today we celebrate that funny, charming witty little boy that keeps us all smiling, coincidentally on the exact day, I wanted to forever erase from our memories, as a beautiful little girl I know is looking down smiling as well. 11-14-13, I felt a sense of calm, hearing a voice that ‘it’s going to be okay’…today 10 years post our initial loss, life is better than okay ❤️.